Wednesday, 24 September 2014

Online Self-help...

Every now and again I'm overcome with the urge to take to Google and begin a self-diagnosis episode that is a one-way track to a few cold sweats and all-out genuine fear. Most recently it was my three day hangover that pretty much ruined me as a person. I'm milking this one for all it's worth because it really was the most horrific thing that I have ever had to endure; and although I'm quite partial to a bit of amateur dramatics, I'm typing this with the most serious face that I can possibly muster. Anyway, to cut a long story short, Dr Google suggested that I had pancreatitis and I was most likely going to die without some form of medical intervention. It's safe to say, I'm still here and it's highly probable that I'd pulled a muscle in my stomach from the obscene amount of sparkling wine and vodka I'd hurled into the basin of my toilet. 

*Takes a bow*

No, seriously kids, don't drink. It's not clever. Anyhoo, as I've said, it's not the first time I've tapped away at the laptop keys in the hope of finding some words of wisdom online, or the advice of a stranger sitting in a bedsit in Zimbabwe, eating french fries. Not me eating the french fries, the guy in Zimbabwe. Okay, probably both of us were eating french fries but that's really not my point.

Interestingly, more so than the weird and wonderful advice actually available out there on the interweb, is Google's remarkable ability to assume the worst in its search engine users. For example:

I'm going to go with no on this one

I don't even want to know!

Apparently it's pedo... in case you were wondering

Just eww.

One would hope that it would be before you were old enough to ask online

Wait, what? We have a 'gay' ear?

Who even worries about these things?
I can only begin to imagine what other weird, wonderful and all out disturbing questions are being typed into Google's search bar as we speak, or maybe I don't even want to? It seems that regardless of how bizarre your query is, there's an answer waiting for you out there in the deepest, darkest corners of the web. It's almost reassuring in the, one day my wee may be blue and I'll need to know why, aspect of life. Surprisingly enough, I have actually seen an article highlighting all the possible shades of wee through various diseases, illnesses etc and blue did feature. Am I alone in thinking that, that would be pretty cool? Bridget Jones soup springs to mind. 

Right, I'm going to wrap this up for today before this post digresses into even stranger territory. Are you a serial online diagnoser or do you prefer to leave it to the good, old professionals?  


  1. Those google searches made me giggle! I'm now wondering if anyone has ever actually got herpes from a cat... (goes to google)
    I always have a little self diagnose before I go to the docs - usually on the NHS website who always tell me to call the emergency doctor within 24 hours...I never do!

    I love your writing style by the way :)

    Hazel Jane xx

    1. Thanks lovely. The amount of times I've self-diagnosed is pretty ridiculous. I guess I deserve some sort of medical certificate? I've died around four times according to the NHS symptom checker, so ermmm yea? I wonder if there's a little man sitting in a Google office, chuckling away at all the random online searches? I kinda hope so and I also kinda want that job! Haha xxx

  2. Haha I loved this post- it made me smile! There are definitely some strange things out there on the world wide web. Being a medical student, I am definitely a serial self-diagnoser- and I also have to clear out my internet history frequently due to the odd things I end up having to google because I don't understand!

    Jennifer x

    1. Haha, overcome with a bit of Google search shame - we've all been there. I'm terrible for seeing a wacky search suggestion coming up and clicking on it because I'm intrigued. Glad you enjoyed the post Jenny xxx

  3. Ahahah this is great! I can't believe these are the google suggestions... I'm usually to busy writing my question fast, ahah! Loved this!

    Gyudy's Notes Of Beauty | GIVEAWAY

    1. Get checking next time you're searching something online. You'll be amazed at what comes up! Haha xxx

  4. LOL such a unique and fun blogpost! You're so creativee :) I was actually laughing my heart out when I read it. Cant believe there are such weird questions being asked on google hahah.


    1. Ah, thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It's so strange isn't it! It's amazing what pops up sometimes. The internet is a funny, old place. xxx

  5. Dr Google is becoming an issue for me haha, every time I get sick I'm convinced that I'm either going to die or go insane x


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