Monday, 9 February 2015

Coarse Fish

When you live in a foreign country, you tend to find yourself getting small kicks out of mastering some of the local lingo. Albeit, if only to shout profanities or to order another basin of sparkling wine. A girl's gotta live. It was a joyous occasion when I had it pointed out to me that the Google Translate app was now translating the Finnish language and would even say the words for you... Hoorah! Now English Accent Female could do all of my dirty work for me.

It was during a particularly long drive to the airport that I decided to impress Scott with my ability to count in Finnish; although I always had a problem when it came to the number six. I was a pro at one to five and could sing them in my sleep, but six was always lurking around in the shadows of my cortex, screwing up my recital. But, as any 21st Century girl with more than her fair share of time on her hands would do, I whipped out my phone and took to the translate app to hammer it home once and for all. 

Six - Kuusi

In case you're wondering, that's the answer. Pronounced by English Accent Female as Koozie. To test my lingual skills, I decided to flip the app to Finnish recognition and, in the best voice I could muster, said the word loud and clear... Koozie

Then Google Translate decided to fuck with me:

Did you mean, 'coarse fish'? 

I'm pretty sure you said coarse fish.

Okay, I get it now. You really meant to say, 'cool fish!' 

or wait... did you actually want me to...

Let me get right on that and call Singh for you. 

Wait, why are you getting mad?

Is it because you're wearing a 'corset?' 

Ahh, I see, that's the word you're looking for. My bad.

Wait, are you still here? What now?

This translation game isn't working, I'm gonna suggest you perform a Google search.

What you sayin bitch? 

There's really no need for insults!

Maybe I'll just stick to pointing and ordering things in quantities no greater than five. 



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