Saturday, 3 October 2015

That Time I Accidentally Asked a Stranger For Anal

There are some things in life that impact you in a positive way, like waking up five minutes before your alarm, feeling bright-eyed and ready to conquer the world. There are those that have a negative impact, such as spilling a box of sesame seeds across your kitchen floor, and then there are those moments that are truly so horrific that you struggle to understand how your life will ever be the same again...

The latter of which I experienced quite recently.

Backstory - I drink more than I probably should when I go out out. I blame Finland. No offence guys. 

Anyone who has lived in a small town with only a handful of activities at their disposal will know that sometimes, all there is to do is drink wine by the bucket. Which is precisely what I was doing on the night in question.

Further to this, I also like to believe that I'm multi-lingual. I'm not, but I guess it doesn't stop me trying... or hounding the locals to teach me something new. I think points should be awarded for effort though. As I've mentioned many a time on here, my Finnish is somewhat limited to the necessities; cheese, beer, the days of the week, numbers to six and an offensive way to tell someone to leave you alone. Oh, and basic greetings, goodbyes and thank yous. All of which took me approximately eighteen months to learn. I'm hoping I'll have better luck learning Arabic. 

So, in my quest for knowledge, I typically enlist the help of bar-dwelling locals. Recently, spurred on by Prosseco and passionfruit puree, (way better than it sounds) I singled out an unsuspecting victim and asked if he would be as kind as to teach me something new. 

And that's when I learnt the Finnish word for arse.... or so I thought. 

Skip forward a week and armed with my new found wisdom, I attended a works do. I'd planned not to drink but it was a free bar so it felt rude not to. You know how it is! Three vodkas in, my Finnish started to rear its ugly head and before Scott could reel me in, I was showing off my new vocab to a bunch of unsuspecting Finns.

They seemed amused... and became even more so when, as asked, I'd explained what I thought it was that I was saying... 

One of them kindly corrected me by means of a few questionable hand movements and that's when I'd realised I'd made a huge mistake. 

Apparently my Finnish, 'friend' at the bar had taught me how to request anal sex, of which I'd done...

to several strangers...

over the course of two weekends.

Not to mention that I'd also passed on my knowledge to Scott's boss. 

I guess our move really couldn't have come at a better time. 

P.S. Just for fun...

10 points to anyone who can figure out how to say that last one!

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