Friday, 4 March 2016

What I've Learnt In The First Six Months Of Marriage

When Scott asked me to marry him a little over two years ago, I never actually thought we'd end up being husband and wife.

Okay, that's not to say that I didn't think we'd get married or that we'd end up calling off our engagement. I'm just the kind of person that never really believes or feels like something is real until it's actually happening. I've got to live and breathe it. 

I'm the same with holidays and Christmas. It feels like it's never going to happen and then BAM, it hits you.
Sitting here and staring at the title on my computer screen is really surreal. Scott and I have been married six months and yet it feels like only yesterday we were close to strangling each other over envelopes and table decorations. 

Time flies and I thought it would be nice to look back and reflect on what, if anything, I have learnt in the first six months of our marriage.

Firstly, you're going to fight.

That's just science. 

I remember waking up the morning after our wedding day and feeling like our relationship had developed this big, fuzzy coating. Sunbeams were shining out of my brand spanking new husband's arse and to me, he could do no wrong. 

That quickly subsided, and although the first argument to shatter the post wedding bliss isn't fun, it's inevitable. I truly believe that arguments (within reason) are an essential part of every healthy relationship. You're going to have disagreements and your significant other is going to drive you crazy on occasion, but it's okay, you're not alone. Even the happiest couples bicker now and again.

A week or so after the wedding, I was done with the wedding chat. Scott and I had spent what felt like a lifetime organising our big day and once it was over, I didn't want to see a single piece of craft paper or hint of a pink rose anywhere. 

I didn't want to talk about it.

Planning a wedding is hard work. It's a fact, and despite all the effort that we put in, I wanted to move on from our big day quickly, enjoying not having to talk wedding or spend long evenings mulling over budget sheets. Some people like to drag the memory of their day out for weeks, even months after their wedding day but for me, I was happy to move on quickly and focus on what was coming next.

I felt guilty at first. Like I should have been basking in our post wedding glory. Was there something wrong with me? 

In the end, I decided not to care what anyone else might think. I know what the day meant to me and just because I didn't want to speak about it or bring it up in every conversation I had, it didn't take away how I felt about it.

I've always been of the strong belief that marriage doesn't make or break a relationship. If you don't have a happy relationship, sticking a ring in the mix isn't going to change that. What I was surprised to learn was that marriage did and does feel different. Not an, 'in your face' change or a glaringly obvious difference, but for lack of wanting to sound like a cliche, there is a sense of 'togetherness' that to me, is comforting. 

I wouldn't say our relationship has changed, just that there's a small, underlying feeling that we share a connection which is greater than that which we shared before. 

Perhaps I'm talking utter rubbish. I am hungry after all and I tend to get a bit emotional when I'm due a feed. It's a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on but I'm sure other newlyweds will have experienced something similar. Back me up married folk!?

Finally, I've found dealing with having a new name to be... interesting. 

I've penned a post about this before but having a different surname really does take some getting used to - I'm still not entirely comfortable with it.

It feels more official now that I've renewed my passport in my married name, although I still regularly sign for things in my maiden name and even Scott gets muddled up now and again, calling me by my old surname. Even after six months of marriage, it doesn't quite feel right. Not that it feels wrong either, just different. Weird, and... I dunno, one of those things that I think is going to take me a while to get my head around.

I know six months is no time at all in the grand scheme of life, but right now, I honestly couldn't be any happier. Well, new shoes, bags and makeup would probably argue with that fact, but in all honesty, life, our marriage and everything in between makes me truly thankful every day. 

Here's to another six months - and many more after that!

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