Friday, 22 July 2016


Life In Excess Blog

That right there is what four hours sleep looks like. 

Let's cut to the backstory. 

Recently Daisy had that op. The one where a heartless soul (me) robs her of ever becoming a mother, although, in my defense, I have gifted her a life without periods and if anything, that's a pretty decent consolation.  

She'll thank me one day. 

Move on three weeks and her arse is exploding in an ungodly fashion. Girl has mastered the art of revenge diarrhea. Perhaps that's my punishment for putting her through the ordeal of surgery or maybe it's just a rite of passage that every new pet owner has to endure, either way, we took her to the vets to find out she had an inflamed arsehole. (because apparently that's a thing)

I won't tell you how this diagnosis came about but I'll just say that a latex tube and a pinky finger were involved.

I also want to say that every penny of our vet bill was earnt that day. 

With a bag full of special food and a paper envelope of meds, we headed for home with a very precariously-walking puppy trotting behind us. She had that uber bitch look on her face, and I can say bitch because that's technically what she is. The kind of look where you know you're going to pay for what you've done but you don't know how or when. 

And it came. At 1am. As Scott and I lay unsuspecting, Daisy decided it was time to unleash a battery of the most eye-watering farts she could muster. Not content on waking us with the fires of hell burning in our nostrils, she managed to scale the bed and push her smug face right up against ours whilst Scott and I clung to the last clean breaths of air left in our bedroom. Scott was pissed, big time, whilst I tried to stifle my amusement at the perfect timing of her assault. She nailed it. 

Still not content with the extent of her revenge, she spent the next hour, tear-arsing around our bedroom, jumping on every piece of furniture and making as much noise as a 4kg Shih Tzu possibly can, before ended her rampage with a fervorous licking of Scott's sleeping face and planting an enormous turd in the living room. 

It was solid, so minor victory but the moral of the story is don't piss off a bitch unless you're fully prepared to deal with the consequences. 

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