10 Things No One Tells You About Planning A Wedding
I'm getting married in 109 days. Ohmyfrickingsweetbabyjesus! - and not in a good way. It's getting frighteningly close to crunch time and whilst I should be feeling overwhelmingly excited, the threat of vomit is becoming increasingly imminent. It's probably to do with the fact that I still don't have wedding shoes, a veil, BRIDESMAID DRESSES - don't even get me started on those; and 365 billion other intricate details that I don't appear to have enough hours in the day to deal with.
Anyone that says this wedding malarkey is easy, clearly hasn't had a break down over envelopes and sobbed into the latest issue of You and Your Wedding. As an ode to the joy that is planning your big day, I thought I'd jot down 10 things that no one tells you about planning a wedding.
1. You will become obsessed with minute details. What does this wedding stationary font say about us? Will we use table names or numbers? What shade of white should the napkins be? I wish I was joking.
2. Shopping for bridesmaid dresses is by far one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your adult life, especially if you have more than a couple of 'maids. One piece of advice I would give to you is; don't shell out for 5 bridesmaid dresses until you have seen them in the flesh. Howling down the phone in a bridal shop gets you a reputation.
3. Pinterest becomes a way of life. At one stage you will probably lose sight of why you're getting married because, ahh.. those diamond-encrusted candelabras against that 6 ft backdrop of pale pink and white roses is definitely enough to consider selling the groom for.
4. At some point, (usually after a gin and tonic or four) you will believe that you are a DIY goddess. You will more than likely be trying to re-create something that you have seen on Pinterest. See previous point.
5. The dress of your dreams probably won't suit you. Unless you're one of these girls who looks good in a bin bag, (I hate you) you'll figure out that whilst that dress looks incredible sitting on that hanger, once on you will resemble an unsightly cross between a mashed potato mountain and a meringue. Be open-minded about what you'll wear on your big day and you won't be disappointed.
6. You will have completely unrealistic expectations of how much things cost - and will quickly realise that anything associated with weddings cost triple the amount of anything else. Set a budget as soon as possible. Work out how much you can spend as a total and then break it down from there. There's nothing worse than spending a small fortune on your dress, only to find out that you've maxed your budget and will have to serve beans on toast as your wedding breakfast.
7. The seating plan isn't as difficult as people would have you believe. At least it wasn't for Scott and I. Yes, it's time consuming and takes a few attempts at shuffling guests around but on the whole, it's one of the least stressful tasks to manage.
8. Speaking of which, you will have an absolute mare stressing over formalities. Tell me again how you address an invitation to your dad's, cousin's, girlfriend's dog? Miss, Mrs or Ms anyone?
9. Closely followed by that fact that you'll forget how to spell the names of all of your nearest and dearest. Is that with an ie or a y? Arm yourself with a pen and paper, Facebook and a large glass of wine.
10. Last but not least, if you receive a lack of attention over your wedding, you will engage in an emotional breakdown to your other half - wailing that, and I quote; 'no one cares about me or this wedding' yet the next day, three people will ask you how your plans are coming along and you will secretly hate them all because you can't get a damn minute to just not think about the wedding. Did I mention that weddings are an emotional time?
Anyone else think my husband-to-be is one lucky, son of a bitch?