Friday, 8 April 2016

My Husband Explains The Purpose of Make Up - Badly

Disclaimer - This post may make you wee your pants a little bit. 

The other night as we were getting ready for bed, I decided to test my husband's knowledge of all things make up. Being a fan of the ol' slap, I was wondering how much, if anything at all, he had picked up from my long-standing love of beauty.

I decided to quiz him on the purpose and uses of various make up products to see what response I would get - and he didn't disappoint!

*Insert tears rolling down face emoji*

My Husband Explains The Purpose Of Make Up - Badly! Funny Blog | Life in Excess

Primer - Is that used before that all the other layers that go on top of it stick to your face better? 

Foundation - Foundation is theoretically the base layer as a foundation would be. (You can tell he works in construction) But it goes on top of the primer. What's its purpose? To give you an even complexion across your face. 

Concealer - Is to conceal hideous and gross spots that you may have.

Face Powder - Is powder not foundation, is foundation not in powder form? You can get foundation in powder form but what would you use a face powder for - like the one I have? Reducing glare. (I lost it at this point) Is it not like if it gets hot and sweaty, you do a bit of powder hence reducing the glare from your face?

Bronzer - Is to make your face the same colour as your neck.

Blusher - Is that not the same as powder as well? No, cause blusher gives your cheeks like a rosiness to them.

Highlighter - I don't know how that's different from blusher... because is it not, does it not highlight your cheeks? Or is it what you use to contour? My answer is you use it to contour. How? Because of the theory of light and shade and where you highlight an area, it makes the shaded area next to it look... tighter? 

I'm literally crying at this point!

Mascara - Ahh, this is the one I always get confused with. Is that what you line your eyes with - so it's eye liner? No it's not is it? Mascara is what you put on your eyelashes. 

Eye Shadow - Does exactly what it says on the tin - it shadows your eyes in various colours. 

Eye Kohl - *Scott bursts out laughing* A what? An eye kohl. An eye kohl... An eye kohl... there's not even a clue in the name there. Is it the thing you use that curls your eye lashes? 

Brow Pencil - It's what knobheads draw those ridiculously big eyebrows with isn't it? You just fill yours in. (Haha, thanks!)

Lipstick - That's what you put on your lips to give your lips colour. 

Setting Spray - Well that's when all the layers have been applied.. that holds it rigidly in place like hairspray. 

Bonus Question - BB Cream - *very long pause* Is it... Is it an actual cream? Or is it those things that come in little balls that look like ball bearings, hence why it's called a BB cream? How would you use such an item? Well you'd put your brush in the balls and you'd like, shuffle it around and the balls would like, break down onto the brush and then you apply that to whatever you apply it to. Going by the look on your face, I'm wrong. 

Yes babe, yes you are!

I hope you made it through this post with your stomach muscles still intact! If you want to hear more from my wonderful husband, make sure you check out my 'Shit My Husband Says' post series. 

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